Police & Fire

High-speed broom chase ends with fatal sorceress crash in Heber City

“The Salems Revenge Witch” began casting spells and flying through town at high rates of speed. The chase ended when the SRW crashed into a telephone pole ending the chase and unfortunately the extended life of Ms. Salems Revenge.

HEBER CITY, Utah — Heber City police department reported that a high speed chase ended in a splat today in Heber City at the intersection of 300 West and 400 South. Officers responded to a suspicious projectile flying through town on Main Street and 500 North. Officers attempted to initiate a traffic stop when the suspect, later identified as 857 year old “The Salems Revenge Witch” began casting spells and flying through town at high rates of speed. The SRW crashed into a telephone pole ending the chase and unfortunately the extended life of Ms. Salems Revenge. Officers made the following statement at the scene.

“Attention witches and ghouls, we are not in the habit of making examples out of other sorceresses mistakes but this crone has it coming. If you’re going to go out on the night, drinking potions, and elixirs after a long day of summoning and rituals, remember to drink responsibly. Call a goblin or troll for a ride home instead if flying through town. Speed was a factor in today’s tragedy so please slow down in our neighborhoods.”

A hex was placed on the location where the Salems Revenge Witched crashed causing officers to be unable to remove the body or evidence. A black flame candle vigil will be held later this week during a full moon by The Salems Revenges coven, subordinates and apprentices.

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